


I’d Rather Die Than Forget

by Justagaybean



Series: Justagaybean’s TsukkiYama Week 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 4k Words of Tsukishima Being Dumb, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But also requited?, But don’t worry it’s happy, Eventual Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Have a nice day!, I can’t write just angst I have to shove in about ten million tropes, Kageyama Tobio is a Good Friend, LITERALLY, M/M, Mild Gore, Sharing a Bed, Slightly Ambiguous/Open Ending, They both have Hanahaki whoops, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Unrequited Love, i tried writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26139673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justagaybean/pseuds/Justagaybean
Summary: Day 5 - Unrequited/HanahakiWhen Tsukishima Kei got Hanahaki, he made a firm decision.- He was not going to tell Yamaguchi, his best friend and the object of his affections, that he had it.- He was, however, going to confess.- When Yamaguchi rejected him, which was imminent, he was not going to get the surgery. Because he’d rather die than forget.Or, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are both idiots, and they both have Hanahaki for each other.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Tanaka Saeko/Tsukishima Akiteru, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Justagaybean’s TsukkiYama Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889785
Comments: 15
Kudos: 126
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	I’d Rather Die Than Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking on this! Please enjoy!!!!!!!

Tsukishima Kei used to scorn his brother. 

Got Hanahaki. Waited a month. Got the surgery.

And forgot every single thing about the person he had fallen in love with.

Now, curled up in his bathroom and coughing as if he’d never stop, he can kind of see why he did it. It’s only been a week since he started choking up flowers. He doesn’t know how he could take another three weeks of this.

Sitting there in the bathroom, he makes a plan. He’s going to confess. Soon.

If Yamaguchi Tadashi returned his feelings -  _ Ha, _ Tsukishima thought to himself.  _ As if. _ \- then his problems are solved. Easy. No near-death experiences were necessary.

If he doesn’t? Well. Tsukishima would rather die than forget about Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima feels an overwhelming sense of guilt for ever thinking his brother was a coward.

* * *

**_What is Hanahaki Disease?_ **

_ When a person falls in love, they have a small chance of contracting Hanahaki. Their love must be deep enough and strong enough, so much so that their feelings plant a seed into their lung and hippocampus of the brain. As their feelings grow, so does the seed, until roots pierce into their bodies, and the plant blooms into flowers.  _

_ The subject of the case suffers from several symptoms, including: _

  * _Difficulty breathing_


  * _Coughing_


  * _Loss of recent memories_


  * _Fatigue_



_ As the disease progresses, their symptoms develop further into: _

  * _Coughin g/choking_


  * _Nausea/vomiting_


  * _Loss of memory_


  * _Fever_


  * _Coughing up the flowers in their lungs_


  * _And the final stage, in which the lungs start bleeding and the brain is overtaken by the roots._



_ There are three ways for the disease to be cured, which includes: _

  * _The patient can recover from their feelings_


  * _The patient’s feelings can be requited_


  * _The patient can have a procedure (HCL) to remove the plant from their lungs and brain_



**_Hanahaki_ ** **_Craniotomy/_ ** **_Lobectomy (HCL)_ **

_ Are you a candidate for surgery?  _ _ Take our survey  _ _ here _ _ to find out. _

_An HCL is a procedure to remove the Hanahaki plants from a patient’s brain and lungs. It is a 5-11 hour procedure, which begins with the lungs and then the brain. It is a detailed and complicated surgery, and the patient will be extremely disoriented, and there is a high chance that many of the memories of the object of_ _their affection will be removed in the process. Find more details_ _here._

**_What is recommended if I have Hanahaki?_ **

_ The disease can go from the first stages into the last stage in a time period that exceeds from 1-2 months to several years. Things that might cause Hanahaki to progress include: _

  * _Spending time with the object of your affection_


  * _Thinking about the object of your affection_


  * _Large amounts of physical activity_


  * _Stress_



_ If you wish to not proceed with a medical procedure, we would recommend taking the following courses of action.: _

  * _Reducing the amount of time with the object of your affection_


  * _Speaking with your doctor about an inhaler or medications to improve your symptoms_


  * _Taking up a hobby to take your mind off of thoughts that might progress the disease_


  * _Decreasing physical activities, or things that may cause large amounts of stress_



* * *

Tsukishima shut his phone off and stared at the black screen for several long seconds.

Difficulty breathing? Coughing? Yes.

Loss of recent memories? None that he could remember.

Fatigue? Yes

Coughing/choking. Nausea/vomiting. Fever. Coughing up flowers. Yes.

He turned his phone on again and stared at the bullet points, which seemed to be taunting him.

_ And the fin _ _ al stage, in which the lungs start bleeding and the brain is overtaken by the roots. _

He grimaced and scrolled further down the page. 

Spending time with Yamaguchi. Thinking about Yamaguchi. Sports. Stress.

_ Well, shit. _

* * *

It was two weeks later.

“Morning, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi chirped, greeting Tsukishima at their usual corner with a wide grin. A smile that makes his throat tingle and his head throb.

“Morning,” Tsukishima echoed.  _ He’s acting normal. There’s no way he thinks of me the same. _

Yamaguchi eyed him for a moment, his smile faltering, but his face brightened again quickly. “It’s getting pretty cold, isn’t it, Tsukki?”

“Yeah.” Tsukishima exhaled a tiny breath. A puff of white steam appeared in front of his face and fogged up his glasses. Yamaguchi giggled and did the same, blowing his cheeks up with air. Tsukishima watched him with a small smile. “Hey, take care of yourself, alright?” he told his friend, nudging him gently with an elbow.

“Hm?” Yamaguchi stopped for a moment and glanced at him, surprised.

“Last winter you caught that cold and had a cough for weeks afterward.” Tsukishima let his eyes drop to the sidewalk. “Just...be careful, okay?”

Yamaguchi’s eyes were wide, but he beamed after a moment. “Of course, Tsukki!” he said cheerily, nudging Tsukishima back.

Tsukishima glanced at him for a split second, then looked away. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly and he cleared his throat, looking away. “Good,” he said.

His head throbbed, but he ignored it.

* * *

It was a week or so later when he was in practice, trying to  _ not _ to focus on Yamaguchi.

They were focusing on serves today, which was probably Tsukishima’s weakest link, besides receiving, and Yamaguchi’s strongest point. Which meant that Tsukishima was constantly distracted while simultaneously ignoring his upperclassmen’s scoldings. The fact that his chest felt like it was being compressed into a small box and that he could hardly breathe was definitely not helping, either.

“Oi.”

Tsukishima tore his gaze away from the other side of the court and turned to glare at Kageyama. “What?” he asked flatly.

Kageyama glared back. “Get your head in the game.”

Tsukishima stared at him for a second. “Wait a minute,” he snapped his fingers. “It’s not the time or place.”

Kageyama’s formed into a  _ very _ familiar look of confusion.

Tsukishima sighed and walked away. Kageyama followed. “You’re distracted.”

“Really?” Tsukishima mocked.

“You’re staring at Yamaguchi again.”

“Again?”

Kageyama nodded sagely. “You’re always looking at him.”

Tsukishima felt his face burn slightly, but he retorted, “Do you have something actually important to tell me, or are you just going to point out the obvious some more? What’s next, are you going to tell me the sky’s blue?”

Kageyama’s face flushed with irritation, and he stormed away. Tsukishima suppressed a sigh of relief.

_ Did he really look at Yamaguchi that much? _ His head throbbed.

He glanced at Yamaguchi, who was spinning a volleyball between his hands. He threw it into the air, took a step forward, and leaped into the air.

The ball flew for the air. Noya dove for it, but the ball fell to the floor, nowhere near him.

Yamaguchi let out a whoop, jumping up, punching the air triumphantly. He spun around and caught Tsukishima’s gaze, his face split into a grin.

“Tsukki! Did you see that?” he asked, bouncing.

Tsukishima felt a wave of nausea roll through him. He clapped a hand over his mouth and ran out of the gym.

He collapsed on the floor of the clubroom, feeling flowers choke his airways and close his throat. His brain felt like it was splitting in half.

_ Don’t think about Yamaguchi, _ he told himself.  _ Think of volleyball. Akiteru. Mom. Stars. Not flowers. Not Hanahaki. And definitely not Yamaguchi. _

The coughing slowed down slightly. He gagged and spat out a bunch of flowers, blueish-purple flowers.

_ Violets. _ He picked one up, spinning it between his fingers.

“What the fuck?”

Tsukishima jerked his head up.

Kageyama stood framed in the clubroom door, horror written all over his face.

“What the  _ fuck? _ ” he said again, staring at the violets strewn over the floor.

_ Shit. _

“You have Hanahaki? Who? For how long? Who knows?” Kageyama fired question after question, his expression growing with anger. 

Tsukishima scoffed, crumpling the flower in his fist. “Why should I tell you?”

Kageyama’s glare filled with determination. “Coach doesn’t know, does he? He’d tell your parents. Kick you off the team.”

They glared at each other for several long moments, before Tsukishima tore his gaze away.

“Fine. Nobody knows,” he mumbled.

Kageyama stood there for a few seconds, then he sat down. “How long?” he asked.

“A month.”

“A  _ month? _ ”

Tsukishima glared at him again. He felt worn, tired to the bone. “Why does it matter?”

Kageyama scowled. “My sister had it. She almost died.”

The two were silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry.”

“She’s fine now.”

“Good.”

“Who is it for?”

Tsukishima coughed out a laugh, tearing the petals off the nearest flower. “Take a fucking guess.”

“Yamaguchi?”

“Don’t you dare fucking tell him, you hear me?”

“I won’t!” Kageyama said, irritated. “But you should tell him.”

Tsukishima laughed dryly. “No.”

“Bitch. Why?”

“Because he doesn’t like me back, you half-witted fuck shrew.”

Kageyama blinked.

Tsukishima almost scoffed at the look on his face. “Besides. If I tell him I have for him, he’ll make me get the surgery. I can’t say no to him.” He leaned back to stare at the ceiling. “It’s easier to confess, without telling him I have it.”

“So even if he rejects you, you’re not getting the surgery,” Kageyama said slowly.

“No.”

Kageyama’s face grew red again.“Why the fuck would you do that?” he asked angrily.

Tsukishima clenched his hand into a fist. “I’d rather die than forget him.”

Kageyama didn’t respond.

* * *

Two weeks later after school, the team was in the gym again for practice. 

What they were doing, exactly, Tsukishima didn’t remember. All he remembered was feeling sore and irritated and tired.

He remembered the shouts of the idiot duo and the second years and the captain’s scoldings. He remembered the sweat dripping off his forehead. He remembered chugging down half a bottle of water and turning around to talk to Yamaguchi.

He remembered the white look on Yamaguchi’s face.

The blank look in his eyes.

How his shoulders were stiff and his chest was heaving.

He thought it was a panic attack.

He was used to Yamaguchi’s panic attacks, even if he wished he wasn’t.

He had touched Yamaguchi’s shoulder, asking him if he was alright and if he needed his medication. He reassured him, telling him to breathe.

Yamaguchi inhaled, exhaled. Once. Twice.

Then choked up a puddle of thick blood.

Tsukishima could barely hear his upperclassmen’s shouts as Yamaguchi keeled over and collapsed on the floor.

* * *

“Kei?”

Tsukishima was in his bedroom, staring at the carpeted floor.

His mother entered and sat next to him.

She spoke to him soothingly. She told him Yamaguchi was going to be okay. That he was going to get surgery.

And that he had Hanahaki.

His parents didn’t know. No one knew. Did Kei know?

He didn’t.

He couldn’t say that, though.

All he could think of was how Yamaguchi had Hanahaki.

Yamaguchi had Hanahaki.

_ For how long? _

_ Who knew? _

_ How come Yamaguchi didn’t tell him? _

_ And who was it for? _

* * *

Tsukishima stormed into the clubroom the next morning, his eyes flashing.

“He has Hanahaki?” he shouted.

His team members turned to look at them. “How many of you knew?” he demanded.

Hinata raised his hand tentatively. Yachi does as well, looking bashful. Suga. And Asahi.

Tsukishima’s nostrils flared and he spun on his heel, storming out of the classroom.

“Tsukishima didn’t know?” Ennoshita murmured, perplexed.

Yachi shook his head furiously. “No, Yamaguchi had it for him.”

Daichi turned to his fellow third years. “You two knew?” he asked in disbelief. Suga nodded.

“I found him in the bathroom once.” Asahi didn’t finish the sentence, but they knew.  _ Choking up flowers into the sink. _ “He made me promise I wouldn’t tell. I kind of wish I did.”

“Hey, don’t think like that. It was Yamaguchi’s decision.” Suga whacked Asahi’s arm sternly. “It’s not anyone’s fault he has to get surgery. Not yours. Or either of yours,” he added, looking at Hinata and Yachi.

“I thought that Tsukishima knew already and that Yamaguchi was just going to wait to get the surgery,” Hinata said, his eyes wide.

“I’m going to go after him!” Yachi jumped to her feet. “Tsukishima--”

“I think Tsukishima needs some space,” Daichi interrupted. “I’ll tell Takeda to excuse him, and he’ll call his family. He’s having a hard time right now, after all. Yamaguchi did have Hanahaki.”

Yachi settled down again, an anxious look on her face.

Daichi sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yamaguchi has Hanahaki, and he’s getting the surgery this afternoon. Which means he’s going to forget a lot of his memories. Because Tsukishima was with him a lot of the time, we’re not entirely sure if he’ll remember us.” Daichi looked around at his teammates, some of which looked rather shocked. They hadn’t thought of that. “He’s going to be rather disoriented. So we’ll have to learn how we can support him. And Tsukishima.”

“Yamaguchi has Hanahaki?” Kageyama asked suddenly, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Baka! Haven’t you been listening?” Hinata shouted.

“Don’t call me that, Boke!”

Daichi nearly groaned aloud. “Yes, Yamaguchi has Hanahaki. He’s getting the surgery today,” he repeated.

“I thought Tsukishima was the one who had Hanahaki.” Kageyama made a face as he swatted Hinata away.

Daichi slammed a hand into his forehead. “No, it’s Yamaguchi who--”

“I saw Tsukishima vomiting flowers in the clubroom two weeks ago.”

“--has Hanahaki - wait, what?”

Kageyama shoved Hinata aside. “When you asked me to check on him the other day. He told me not to say anything.”

The team stared at Kageyama, who continued to squabble with Hinata. “But - Yamaguchi’s the one in love with Tsukishima!” Hinata pushed Kageyama’s fist away from his face.

Kageyama’s face contorted into confusion again, and he glared at the orange-haired boy. “No, it’s the other way around.”

“It’s both!” Yachi yelped in realization.

“And Yamaguchi’s getting the surgery,” Suga said slowly.

Daichi shut his eyes, rubbing his temples. “Idiots,” he mumbled.

“Someone’s gotta tell Tsukishima!” Tanaka leaped to his feet.

Noya did as well, shaking his head vigorously. “Yamaguchi can’t get the surgery! He’ll forget everything!”

“Slow down!” Ennoshita yanked at the backs of their shirts.

Daichi nodded. “Let’s think of this rationally. Let’s call Takeda and get him to call Tsukishima’s and Yamaguchi’s parents before we go chasing Tsukishima across campus--”

Yachi had already jumped to her feet again. “I’ll get him!” she shouted, dashing out of the clubroom.

* * *

“Tsukishima!”

Tsukishima walked a little faster. He did not need sad consolations or scoldings right now.

“Tsukishima!” He shut his eyes and sped his pace up to a small jog.

“TSUKISHIMA KEI!” A screech was heard, and suddenly Yachi had barreled herself into his side. She bounced back, her face red and panting.

“What?” he asked sharply. He definitely was not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, and he felt no reason to be polite to anyone, even Yachi.

“You can’t let Yamaguchi get that surgery!” Yachi shouted, puffing herself up like an irritated yet determined baby bird. 

Tsukishima felt the sudden urge to laugh but forced himself to put on a straight face. He scowled. “Why? It’s his decision.”

“No, it’s not! His parents signed off on it!”

“So? He should’ve gotten it sooner, not risked his life for some stupid crush,” he scoffed.

“You can’t let him get it, Tsukishima Kei, if you care for him at all! I know you have Hanahaki for him!”

He froze. “Who told you? Kageyama?”

“Yes, but--”

“Bastard,” he hissed, spinning on his heel to storm back to the clubroom. “The whole team knows now, right?”

“Listen to me!” Yachi screeched again, even louder this time.

“Yachi!” He screamed back. “How come Yamaguchi didn’t tell me? He was  _ dying _ like that, for how long? How long has he been in love with someone enough to kill himself over it? Who?”

“You! He’s in love with you, you  _ idiot! _ ”

Tsukishima froze, then slowly started shaking his head. “No, you’ve got it wrong, I have it for him, not--”

“Tsukishima Kei! Shut up and listen to me! You have it for him, and he has it for you! And now he’s somewhere in a hospital thinking that it’s all one-sided! But he can’t get that surgery, because he’ll forget you!”

Tsukishima stopped short.

“What?” he hissed.

“Yamaguchi--”

Tsukishima whipped out his phone, his hands shaking as he dialed a number. Yachi watched him, her eyes wide, as the phone rang for several long seconds, before--

_ “Kei?” _

“Akiteru,” he gasped into the phone. “I need a ride.”

_ “Wait, what?” _

“Now.” Kei’s voice became dangerously loud.

_ “Whoa whoa whoa, slow down. What’s happening?” _

“Akiteru! I need a ride. Now. I’ll explain, just please--” Tsukishima’s voice broke. “-- _ please. _ Hurry.”

_ “I’m on my way.” _

* * *

Saeko Tanaka’s van stopped in front of Karasuno’s entrance with screeching tires a half-hour later. Akiteru pulled open the door as Tsukishima slipped into the back seat with zero hesitation.

“Kei, what’s going on?”

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima gasped. “Yamaguchi has Hanahaki.”

“Wait, what?”

“And so do I. For him. And he’s getting the surgery today.”

“You have  _ what? _ ” Akiteru slammed the door shut, spinning around in his seat with a murderous glare. Saeko stepped on the gas and Akiteru’s head hit the car roof. “Ow!”

“The point is, Akiteru, is that Yamaguchi will forget me if I don’t stop him from getting that damn surgery!” Tsukishima snapped. “I’ve already tried both of his parents’ cells. They’re not picking up. So I need to get to the hospital.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you have Hanahaki? How long?”

“Two months,” Tsukishima said impatiently. 

“Two  _ months? _ ” Akiteru repeated.

“Which hospital?” Saeko interrupted. 

“Miyagi General. Wait, why are you here?”

“Fastest driver in the prefecture.” Saeko swerved around a corner.

“You’re Tanaka’s sister, right?”

“Yup.”

“You went to Karasuno?”

“Yeah?”

“And the one Akiteru had Hanahaki for?”

Saeko snorted. “That was Udai Tenma.”

“And you’re his girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

Akiteru sputtered. “We’re getting off track! You didn’t tell me you had Hanahaki!”

“You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!” Kei snapped back.

“You didn’t tell me you were in love with Tadashi!”

“You didn’t tell me you were in love with the Little Giant!”

“You didn’t--”

“Both of you, shut up! You’re worse than Ryuu!”

That shut the two of them up.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Saeko’s car pulled up into the hospital driveway, and Kei yanked the door open, striding up to the glass entrance.

“Kei, wait!” Akiteru shouted after him, but Kei had already pushed his way through to the doors and ran up to the front desk. The receptionist looked up, surprised.

“Can I help--”

“Yamaguchi Tadashi, he was supposed to get surgery today--”

“And who are you?”

“I’m his friend, I need to see him,” he answered impatiently.

“So you’re not a member of his family? No direct relationship?”

“No, but--”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you see him.”

“Please, just--”

“Kei?”

Tsukishima turned around. There was Yamaguchi’s mother, and his father, both looking very tired.

“Where’s Yamaguchi?” he asked, his voice filled with desperation, trying to push down the mounting horror that was filling his thoughts.

Yamaguchi’s mother smiled weakly. “Oh, Kei, he’s in surgery. He should be done in a couple of hours, but--”

Her words faded into the distance, or perhaps they became too loud to comprehend? It didn’t matter. His vision clouded and his mind made a weak attempt to focus. Words repeated, echoing, and swirling around his brain like wild birds in a cage.  _ He’s in surgery. He has Hanahaki. He’ll forget you. _ He gasped for air. Someone was calling his name, but he didn’t care who it was.  _ He has Hanahaki. He’ll forget you. _ He couldn’t see. He couldn’t breathe.

_ He’ll forget you. _

“Kei. Kei. Kei. Kei!”

He gasped. Short, tiny gasps that barely gave him enough air to breathe.  _ He’ll forget you. He’ll forget you. He’ll forget you, he’ll forget you, he’ll forget you he’ll forget you he’ll forget you he’llforgetyouhe’llforgetyouhe’llforget-- _

“Kei, just breathe, okay? Breathe.”

He sucked in a breath, his eyes wild. Where was he? Where was Tadashi?

“That’s it. Breathe. Just focus on me, okay?”

“Aki?” he croaked.

“It’s me,” his brother said soothingly.

He exhaled shakily.

“Take it slow, alright? Inhale, exhale.”

He focused his eyes on his brother.

“Tadashi?” he asked.

His brother didn’t answer.

* * *

Akiteru was explaining something to Yamaguchi’s parents in low tones. His mother had tears in her eyes. His father did too, but his hands clenched and unclenched in his lap.

Kei turned away and stared at the linoleum tiled floor of the hospital waiting room.

He wondered what would’ve happened if he made it in time. If he stopped Yamaguchi from getting the surgery. If he’d confessed. If he’d realized his feelings earlier. What would they have done? Started dating?

That would’ve been nice. 

And what about after that? Would they have stayed together? Gone to university together? Moved in together?

He had fantasized about a future with Yamaguchi so many times. But all of that was gone.

Minutes seeped on like seconds. Hours blended into minutes.  _ What if’s _ And  _ Why’s _ swirled around his thoughts.

“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Yamaguchi?”

The couple’s heads shot up. A nurse stood in front of them in pale blue scrubs.

“He’d done, everything went smoothly,” she informed them.

Yamaguchi’s parents let out a sigh of relief. His father squeezed his mother’s hands, who broke into a teary-eyed smile.

Kei could barely feel any relief.

“We’re keeping him sedated for a little longer, just to make sure that everything is alright. We were able to salvage most parts of his brain as well, though he’ll still be quite disoriented. As you know, he probably won’t be able to recall large chunks of time, including most to all of his memories with the object of his affection. There is a small chance…”

Kei blocked it out.

Yamaguchi wouldn’t remember him. Wouldn’t remember the first time they met. Wouldn’t remember practicing volleyball with him and Akiteru. Wouldn’t remember the sleepovers. The late nights studying together. When they got into the same high school. The times they snuck out at night onto the roof to look at the stars. Nothing.

Would he remember meeting Hinata and Kageyama? What about the rest of the team? What about Yachi? Would he remember his classes? His days, the weekends, the summer days spent, they were all with Tsukishima.

He walked blindly with Akiteru to Yamaguchi’s room, sitting outside the room. Saeko was still there. Yamaguchi’s parents were in the room together.

_ He’ll forget you. He’ll forget. _

Time blended together until it seemed there was nothing left.

“He’s okay, he’ll be awake in an hour or two,” someone said.

Kei looked up. Yamaguchi’s mother was talking to him.

“Can I see him?” he asked.

His father hesitated.

His mother squeezed his hands. “Kei,” she said slowly. “Are you sure you want to?” 

He nodded firmly. “Yes.”

Yamaguchi’s father looked at him, opening his mouth. He closed it.

“Just a few minutes, alright?” His mother said quietly.

* * *

Tsukishima sat next to Yamaguchi’s bedside. Yamaguchi’s arms were tangled with tubes connected to beeping machines. He tucked his head into his hands and sat in silence for several long seconds.

“Yamaguchi,” his voice cracked. “I’m so sorry.”

He clenched his hands into fists.

“I kept on telling myself, I’ll do it tomorrow. Not today. Some other time. I was a fucking coward.”

He cleared his throat. “Tadashi. What would’ve happened if I wasn’t such an idiot? We could’ve been together. I wanted to be with you. Go on dates. Do all of that cheesy stuff that people do in movies.

“I don’t know how long I’ve loved you. I didn’t realize it until two months ago. How long did you have it? How long did you wait?

“I think I’ve always loved you. You’re always there for me, you’re always by my side. I’m an asshole. Everyone knows it. I hear it on a daily basis.” He chuckled, leaning back a little in his chair. “But you defend me. You say I’m cool. You make me want to be as great as you say I am.

“You’re too good for me, Tadashi. You’re strong and sweet and you’re cooler than you think you are. You’re a hard worker. And you see the best in people.”

His vision blurred.

“I love you, Tadashi. And I’m an idiot for not saying it sooner.”

Tsukishima wiped at his eyes. He looked up, blinking through watery eyes.

Yamaguchi was looking with wide eyes.

Tsukishima jumped to his feet.  _ Fuck. He wasn’t supposed to wake up this early. His parents are going to kill me. He literally just thinks I’m some random guy crying in his hospital room. What if he freaks out? What will I do? _

Yamaguchi smiled.

“I love you too, Tsukki,” he replied sleepily. “And you’re not an idiot.”

Tsukishima’s heart leaped.

“Tadashi?” he asked.

Yamaguchi laughed. “I like it when you say that,” he said drowsily. 

“Tadashi. You remember me?”

“Of course, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi nodded, yawning. “Your pretty blond hair and your eyes and your glasses. And volleyball. And dinosaurs and stars and Karasuno. And amber colored petals and yellow roses. Sit next to me,” he demanded suddenly.

Tsukishima complied, half amused, half speechless.

“You remember me,” he repeated a couple moments later. His face broke into a smile.

Yamaguchi didn’t respond, just curled up into Tsukishima’s side.

“‘Love you, Tsukki,” he said sleepily, his words slurring. His hands carded through Tsukishima’s hair and his breathing slowed.

Tsukishima’s thoughts raced. So he did remember everything? What would happen when Yamaguchi woke up? When his parents came back? How much would he remember? Would he still remember everything?

He exhaled slowly, letting himself relax for the first time all day.

“I love you too, Tadashi,” he said.

And if the world froze right then in there, with Yamaguchi’s hands in his hair and his breath on his neck?

He wouldn’t have minded at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 is done!
> 
> Find the reference, you’ll know it when you see it. I couldn’t help myself.
> 
> While I was writing this I realized that all of the days that are in Tsukishima’s perspective are in Japan and all of Yamaguchi’s are set elsewhere, as well as the one with both of their perspectives switching. That was unintentional. This was also one of the hardest days for me to write. Yamaguchi, for some reason, is so much easier to write than Tsukishima. Also, Hanahaki is not my thing. I’ve also been trying to keep non-TsukkiYama relationships out of the fics, but I have been failing miserably.
> 
> Post-anesthesia Yamaguchi is based off of my sister after she had surgery in July. I’ve had surgery 7 times, actually, but I remember NONE of it. Except for my first one! I got a popsicle. It was cherry. That was three years ago, wow. I was actually supposed to be getting my two-year post-chemo scans tomorrow, but insurance is being annoying.
> 
> If you enjoyed, please kudo and comment if you get the chance! Have an AMAZING day, and stay safe out there!


End file.
